On Coming Home
November 22, 2015
Lifeless: A Sidewalk Death in Myanmar
November 28, 2015
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In the quiet of your heart…you know he’s plotting, cunning. He is patient, he will wait. Starting small, and early. Knowing that it will take time for his seeds to grow. As they do, he will slowly wrap around you, envelope and hold you very close.

The kind of tender closeness that feels a lot like love. You feel cradled, comforted and safe. In his embrace you whisper: “I could stay here forever.” You let him wrap himself around you, thinking it is love.

Until one day, restless, you feel a need to move, to stretch, expand, run. Feel a rush, get closer to death, to somehow feel more alive. Now vines of his desire are pinching at your skin. The more you tug, the more it hurts.

“Lay still”, he breathes, “and it won’t hurt as much.”

He tells you how lucky you are.

“Don’t you know how many women want to be held like this? And I picked you. Show some gratitude.” You see that this comfort, his love, was not safety but imprisonment.

You tremble.

Then, a small, soft, warm voice. You hardly hear it but can feel her. She says to you – “This isn’t love. You were meant for so much more. Please Run. Now. And yes, my dear, I know you’re afraid. I know it’s scary. I know you don’t want to be lonely, but don’t you see how alone you are right now”?

You feel everything you wouldn’t allow yourself to believe.

You retaliate. The lies don’t work on her. You hate that she won’t take the bullshit you give to others. The longer the lie, the more effort it takes to maintain.

“One day I will stop coming to see you.” This will be the day, where his vines have wrapped so tightly there will be nothing left of you. Only him. Nothing left to fight for. And she won’t be back.

As you cut your way through the wires over your soul. Be careful not to break skin, but understand when the blade gets that close to freedom, you might get scratched.

When you do, wear those battle scars proudly. Like the medallions of veterans. You made it out.


Who is “he”?

Whatever it was to you. That is your enemy.

You know who it is. You know exactly what you need to do.

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